Leaflet No. 17
This week’s leaflet tea tastes like... strawberry shortcake, being chosen, bananas, and chamomile
Hello, everyone.
Tea Leaf Tech is a process in which I brew a cup of the Beobab.tree’s blend (its bark, leaves, its fruit, and a dapple of honey—of course!), which is a way to introduce settling and warmth into the day’s spiral of events. During this time of sipping and slowness, ideas and images collect at the bottom of the cup. The readings of the tea leaves laid to rest on ceramic glaze will be the basis of Beobab.Tree’s leaflets. From here, I invite you to sit with your own cuppa and peruse what sensations this week’s tea blend has to offer.
At the end of each month, I invite a guest who will have their fill of the blend and transcribe a leaflet, featured only on Beobab.Tree.
Full enjoyment:
🌺trail running
no headphones, in my solitude and breathwork
🌺 banana smoothies
with baobab powder/maca (for a hearty gut), Korean variety o’ bean milk, chia seeds
🌺 Sharing a bike
(Late May) My cousin’s friend threw around the idea of the three of us going for a bike ride to show me the *beautiful* bike passages of Orange County, CA, under the assumption that we’d all have working bikes the day of… Unfortunately we had a lil’ snafu and only had two working bikes.
Our solution: her and I would take turns running while the other two bike (my cousin remaining on the bike because he proclaimed he could not, would not, run). It was one big adventure! In my wonderment and unawareness of time passing, I felt like a kid as she showed us her routine route.
We biked past sculptural playgrounds and wide recreation fields, gliding through tunnels and tracking an orange hot-air balloon launch into the sky. I liked the parts where I ran, too, for the slowness it afforded to smell sunbaked elderflower and study Irvine’s landscaping, funky suburb architecture, and park design.
Sharing the bike became a way to play with how her and I passed the time and traveled the landscape. By alternating between the bike and my feet, I was receiving two different conscious experiences of the environment around me. It was like passing a pair of binoculars back and forth—”Here, take a gander and tell me how you feel”.
Here is some sweetness:
Inspired by Sally Wen Mao’s “Ode to Emptiness”
🎴Elevation and elation
Getting acquainted with a new office building means “meeting” new people in the elevators I take to get to our floor. I always put away my headphones if I’m sharing an elevator with someone because I’d hate for us to miss a connection.
Often, folks are only trying to go upwards a few dozen feet and not be bothered. On a day that was entirely under a relentless rain cloud, a Black man wearing a swishing rain coat joined me in the elevator with an undeniable Strawberry Shortcake popsicle unwrapped in his hand (This ice-cream is texturally beautiful. My favorite!!).
- “I love those!”
-“Me too. Get ‘em daily. Even in the rain.”
I nodded grinning with approval and admiration sandwiched together. I spent the rest of the day smiley, revisiting the imaginary of this person getting his bright pink and sand hued treat daily, nibbling on it undisguised as he traverses a run-of-the-mill office building.
🎴On being chosen
I spend time working as a youth coach for a rock climbing gym. I met Paloma* (*name changed for privacy) for her first session a month ago—she is nearly five and maybe 15(?) honeycrisps apples tall. First time I saw her, she was all redden eye, tear-dappled cheeks—likely overwhelmed when she was called to run with the rest of the kids during Warm-up.
With no time for introductions, I swiftly met her at her height, extended my two hands out, trick-or-treat style, and invited her to run with me. One hand from comforting her watery eye, the other from clenching her shorts, she met my palms with hers and we took off wordless in an easy jog.
Her right arm goes to wipe the remaining tears and we round the route with every way of encouragement I could think of telling her. Things like:
-”You’re being very brave for trying something new today.”
-”I can tell you’re trying your best.”
-”I’m so glad you’re here!”
A week ago, coaches were asked to randomly pick two students to work with. I happened to pick people that were not her, and by the way she sat with her grandmother instead of climbing with a new coach, I could tell that working with someone new was very daunting.
Towards the end of our session I asked if she wanted to hang out with our pod—knowing I had to manage dividing time to climb with me between more students. She joined us, showing some relief and eagerness to get back on the wall. At the end, and she approached me while I was undoing a knot on the rope:
-“E-sabel, next time when you are picking people, can you pick me?! I love you!”, in one deliberate, quick breath. She sent her voice boldly, as to push aside how vulnerability can make us timorous (An aside: I love it when my name is pronounced as it is in Spanish. Sonic tenderness!).
I was in SHOCK—how could I not tell her I love her too?! That, yes, unconditional love can be felt for near-strangers, without hesitation. My response was:
-“…Yes I’ll try my best!! Sometimes we will be together, and sometimes you’ll get to know another coach…but, ahh! I am so grateful for you, for communicating this to me.” She nodded, furrowed brows a bit softer now, and trotted to her family.
Witnessing Paloma’s bravery to communicate something so strongly felt within herself stirred something inside me: deep empathy for what it feels like to want to be chosen by that someone you love.
Anyone who has entered a relationship of any nature may know that giddiness when someone calls your name, or sends you something that reminds them of you. Or picks you as their company for a walk. To be chosen as the person they get to multiply laughs by sharing a meme or video. To seek counsel from. Being chosen, and allowing yourself to be chosen, is—I believe—one of the most divine ways of receiving love from the world.
Receiving this love reaches us as far as we are able to choose ourselves, of course. When we choose ourselves, it is the same as choosing to nourish our dreams and preserve the authentic softness individualized inside us. And this is an action we need to consciously continue everyday to build our self-efficacy.
It can be scary when someone/thing external to us subverts our dream/expectations and doesn’t choose us. It’s heartbreaking. It’s a loss of control. It makes me question where my trust comes from. It has been the case where I was afraid to put my heart back on my sleeve (a quality of mine I now embrace).
Paloma’s sincerity reminds me to let in is the feeling of fear of being not chosen, let it be recognized fully, and then to let it guide me in acting upon changing that feeling.
She chose herself in asking me her direct question because she somehow knew that acting upon what felt true to her would bring her closer to emotional safety. She’s brave for understanding her emotions enough to put language to it. I swear to you, kids are some of the most in-tune beings there are.
And so I ask myself today—
What opportunities do I have right now to make myself feel chosen (and thus seen, loved, cared for)?
What is/are my fear(s) surrounding these opportunities, and when they are transmuted, what will be the next move?
Thank you, Paloma.
Images in the tree bark:
Californian flower field salad (I believe the majority of the bunch is chamomile!!)
Tremendous tree spotted on a run / bike ride
Characters I made up for a zine-making workshop at the library (left), and a little patron’s mirroring of these characters beside it (right).
Yes, this looks like a jellybean in the center of the web… but a blurry spider is the amber dot!
As I am writing this, it is late into an evening. But, I am thankful to be finishing a leaflet transcription having not done so in a while. These are some moments and thoughts I am happy to share with you.
I hope your day is kind to you and you are kind to you.
Warmed,
Isabel
Paloma <3